


Destruction, Duty and Love

by missema



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Earth, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family, Family Drama, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Love, Memories, Psychological Trauma, Sexual Content, Stress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-09
Updated: 2012-06-25
Packaged: 2017-11-03 08:54:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 22,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/379558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missema/pseuds/missema
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story starts after ME2 and goes into the third game. </p><p>Garrus Vakarian and Shinnara Shepard find a way to make their relationship work.  Amidst the destruction, there is always duty, but finding love is unexpected.</p><p>Months pass between the destruction of the Alpha Relay and the coming of the Reapers.  They may be apart, but two of them didn't just forget about each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Home Again

**Author's Note:**

> There's a bit of canon divergence here in the beginning, or just a little that I don't think fits in this story. There's a comic that states Anderson goes to Omega to get Vega so he can guard Shepard on the way back to earth.
> 
> I haven't read the story, so I have no idea what it says or why the Normandy was at Omega, but I thought the Citadel was a good hub to drop Garrus off at, close enough to Palaven that he could take a transport.

The familiar gritty, hot dust of Palaven swirled around Garrus as he steps off the transport.  It's been ages since he'd come back home, and it was just the same as he remembered.  Only it was he that was different now, and he wasn't quite sure how he fit into things.  Shaking off the thought, he shouldered his bag and kept moving, filtering through the crowd of people.  It was strange, after so much time on the Citadel, Omega, even on the Normandy to be amongst so many turians.  Some of them stared openly at his face, and he'd almost forgotten the scars, the blasted chunk of armor that was missing. He must have seemed quite the oddity to them, scars without military armor, injury without honor, even with his respectable clan markings.  He glared at a few, just to amuse himself when they quickly glanced away, then let it go.  This wasn't about him.

There was no time to reflect on it at the moment.  He needed to get home, to see his mother.  When they'd come back from the Collector homeworld, he'd patched into a comm buoy and made a call.  Things hadn't been good, even though Mordin had helped ease the way with the salarians.

Garrus caught a cab and headed towards home, wondering what he'd find there.  His sister would certainly be there, taking care of his mother and he gave an involuntary shiver as he thought of the state she must be in, even after all of her treatments. Her disease wasn't kind, and he wished he could have done more to help, sent more money, gotten her more tests and medicine earlier on. But now, all he could do was go home, visit her and pray to the Spirits that she be granted rest soon.  After giving the cabbie his parents address, he looked out the window, watching the car zoom into the dense midday traffic.

"You been on the Citadel?"  The man asked, making conversation that Garrus wasn't remotely interested in. There was far too many things on his mind to make room for idle chatter.

"Yeah, for a short while."  Garrus answered absently, thinking more about what he'd possibly find at home than anything else.

"Smell like you been around aliens."  The man grunted, a disdainful growl in his subvocals that wasn't really aimed at all aliens.  No, he could probably smell humans, one in particular.

With that thought he was lost, slammed back into where he was a few solar days ago, on the Normandy, back with her.  Shepard had come from whatever mission she'd done for Hackett, the admiral debriefing her in person once they'd docked at the Citadel.  Garrus was supposed to go home, but Shepard's mission had gone horribly wrong and he couldn't just leave her, not without saying goodbye.  They'd escaped from batarian space just ahead of an asteroid that destroyed the mass relay, annihilating everything in the system.

Shinnara withdrew, unable to talk about why she'd been there, or what happened to her.  She still did her rounds, but her shoulders sagged and she was unfocused and distracted.  Luckily, they didn't have anything more pressing to do, nothing more for her to worry about.  But they knew from Hackett's visit that the Alliance expected her to answer for what happened out there. No one was surprised when she announced that she was willingly turning herself and the ship in.

She was _Commander Shepard_ after all.

He was supposed to leave.  They were still at the Citadel and she'd offered everyone the chance to disembark before they headed back to the Sol System with the human crew members, but he went to her.  They sat together in her cabin until she came around, and he missed the transport he'd planned on taking.  And the one after.

"What will happen to you?"  He'd asked, hoping she had more insight than ship gossip.

"Cerberus is considered a terrorist group, and I committed a heinous crime.  I'm going to be put on trial.  Locked up."  Her eyes were cloudy and sad as she looked away from him, a frown drawing lines down her face, the sadness returning to her after the brief respite he'd provided.  She was still straddling his waist, sweat making her ochre skin shine like rich satin after the exertion of their coupling.   "And I'll miss you.  Terribly, I expect."

"Well then, I should probably give you one last good memory.  Something to keep you warm while you are incarcerated."  He'd suggested, shifting underneath her as she dragged a hand around his cowl, making him purr.  Shinnara giggled, and her eyes flashed a brighter color, though they were still worried and anguished.  He loved her eyes, the grey blue of them, how he could tell her mood by their color, how laughter made them sparkle a clearer blue and fatigue made them grey, overcast, and as dark as a moonless night.

Soon after, she'd walked him to his transport ship, her warm, five fingered hand intertwined with his, and she'd kissed him goodbye.  Her eyes had been dark grey, stormy and distant as she held him, a single hand lightly stroking his mandible, her forehead pressed to his.  He'd never wanted to stay anyplace as much as he'd wanted to stay with her, right there.  There was always duty, in the background, pulling them in separate directions, apart.

"I'll miss you terribly too, Nara."  He hadn't meant it to come out in a whisper, to sound quite so broken and raspy.  She'd hugged him again and pushed him away, towards the ship going to Palaven.  Away from her.  They couldn't stay there forever.  She waved once, just once, giving him a watery grin before she spun on her heel and marched off.

The man's eyes were still watching him, even as he effortlessly dropped in and out of the crowds of cars, turning corners and making his way towards their destination.  Garrus roused himself out of the recollection, careful to keep his voice neutral as he spoke again.

"You...could say that.  I was on a ship with a human commander."  Garrus explained.

"Huh.  Didn't know turians served on many ships with humans.  Any good?"

"She's one of a kind.  The best."  Garrus replied, resuming his stare out of the window.


	2. Mother

"Garrus!"  He had to smile as he heard his sister, it had been so long since he'd seen her, since he'd seen any of his family.  Solana's voice called out to him as he entered their parent's house.  His passcode still worked, but he knew it would, his father would never change it without telling him. The door closed behind him, a quiet wooshing noise as he walked into the same room he'd walked out of years before, eager to get off Palaven and join C-Sec.  It seemed so long ago now.

"Hey Sol."  He said tiredly, letting her hug him.  Solana looked her weariness, and he could feel it in her embrace.  Even the duties of being their mother's caretaker hadn't eroded her beauty and he wondered if she'd had any time for herself recently.  There was supposedly someone special, but she'd never told him who over the messages, preferring to make him crazy with speculation.  He was going to ask, but then thought better of it, not wanting to start an argument this early.  Solana didn't seem to have such reservations and it only took her a minute before she started in on him, but in the easy, good-natured way that his sister seemed only to be able to manage in person.

"Spirits, what happened?"  She asked, peering at the side of his face with wide, curious eyes.  "And, ugh, you smell."

"The scars are starting to fade.  I think they make me look dashing."  He ignored the second comment about his smell, but idly wondered when the hell turians had collectively decided they smelled so great.  Traveling was never known to make anyone smell better, and though he'd never admit it, the faint scent of Shepard that still clung to his skin was one of the few things calming him right now.  Was it possible to be nervous about seeing family?  If so, he definitely was, he had no idea how he and his father would get along, or what he'd be facing in a few moments when he finally saw his mother.

She shook her head, but he could read her - she was just going to ask later.  "Things aren't good here, I'm glad you could make it back.  Mom's not too bad today, but most of the time it's, it's so hard to watch."  Solana said, covering her face with her hands.  "But you should go in to see her, she'd like that."

He nodded, unsure of what to do, but Solana stood up and led him back to where his mother rested.  She wasn't in her bedroom, but in a smaller, sunny guest room with a private bath.  The room was tiny, and there was just enough space for him to squeeze into the chair next to the bed.

"Garrus."  She said, brightening when she saw him.  The word was slow, slurred, but happiness danced behind her blue eyes, the eyes he'd inherited.  "My b-boy ca, came home."  The short sentence took an eternity for her to form, even in her careful, deliberate tones.

"Hi Mom.  You look beautiful."  The words were easy to say, but it hurt, seeing her there, her sickly, emaciated figure a result of the bed rest she'd been on for the past few weeks.  There was a risk of her taking a bad fall if she walked around by herself, and her disease was eroding her muscular control.  Garrus had seen enough death to know when it was coming, and his mother didn't have much time.  If the Collectors had taken any longer, he doubted he would have been able to make it back to Palaven in time.

She waved a hand at him, brushing off his praise, but smiling with her whole body, beaming, happiness running through her being.  He sat down next to her, and she reached out a hand to his face.  The movement was jerky and uncontrolled, but Garrus leaned into her, letting his mother run her palm over the injured side of his face.

"Things went wrong when I was in command of a squad."  He explained, answering the question that she couldn't voice.  "I got caught in a bad situation, but then an old friend showed up and got me out.  Saved my life."  He still didn't like to think of Omega, how it had ended there, but he had to explain that he'd been the one leading, otherwise his mother - his whole family would blame his injuries on Shepard.  For turians, the commander was always responsible for the people under them.

"Human?"  The question came out overly loud, but Garrus nodded.

"It was Commander Shepard, the human Spectre I worked with before.  She found out where I was and came to get me."

"In lo, in love?"  The question was obvious and he should have known, could have foreseen it if he hadn't been so wrapped up in feeling awkward, letting nervous anticipation make him fear what he might find.  He hadn't wanted to see her like this, but he didn't want to avoid it, to miss his chance to say goodbye, yet here they were, talking about him.  His mother had always known him best, could tell when he was lying, knew what he was thinking just from a few moments of talk.  In his early days at C-Sec, she'd been the one he'd always talked to, despite his father having been the former C-Sec officer.

It gave him a strange swell of relief to know that even if she was so ill, not everything had been taken from her.  The intuition that had served her so well in the military, as she raised her children, it was still there, though harder to express.  Garrus gulped hard, not quite knowing how to answer, but he decided on the truth, because lying to his dying mother didn't seem like something he could really pull off and live with himself afterwards.

"Maybe?  I don't know yet, but she's...special.  I know how humans are viewed, but Shepard, it wouldn't matter what she was, she'd still be one of the best."

His mother smiled at him, and patted his face with the palm of her hand before dropping it back to the bed.  "Good.  W-worry about you."  The words came out on labored breaths and he leaned in closer.

"We don't have to talk, Mom.  I just wanted to be here with you."  Garrus said, and grabbed her hand.  The mid afternoon sun filtered through the window, dappling her face with light, her blue Vakarian clan markings still bright on her skin.  It was the second time recently that he felt a horrible, oppressive melancholy coming down around his shoulders, and the memory of Shepard's dark eyes at the transport flashed into his mind again.  His mother was just another on the list of people he couldn't save, another person he couldn't protect.


	3. Moons Over Palaven

Time with his mother went quickly, and Garrus could sense his family walking on eggshells around him. No one wanted him to flee and upset his mother, so they worked hard at not bothering him, even his Dad. At first it was a relief, knowing that he wasn't going to have to relive the old arguments, but soon the lack of discussion, the stepping around topics became as tiresome as arguing would have been.    
  
And then there was Shepard, or rather the lack of information about her that added to his worry, stealing away his sleep at night, making his thoughts travel far from Palaven. Against his better judgment he tried to message her on a the private channel they'd used before, but it proved fruitless. The inevitable passing of his mother was nearly without fuss, the occasion somber, but a relief. In her last weeks, things went downhill quickly, and they'd had to hire a nurse to help them, even with Garrus there to help Solana with their mother.    
  
"Sol, you know me. I'm not very good with expressing things, but thank you, for taking care of Mom when I couldn't." Garrus twisted his hands around as he talked to his sister, unable to look her in the eyes. He wanted to say more, much more than that, but he wasn't eloquent, the words were escaping him as if he barely knew any at all.  
  
"I know, Garrus. Still out there saving the world, but not able to save yourself." His sister smiled at his sheepish look at her correct assessment. "Well, I hope _your girlfriend_ , Commander Shepard, can help you figure things out." Her tone had turned teasing as he could only gape up at her. How had she found out?  
  
"It's pretty obvious that you're crazy about her. I hope she's as good as the vids say she is." His sister continued.  
  
"You don't care that she's human?"  
  
"Can she kick your ass?" Solana was giving him a completely unreadable look, but the question was serious.  
  
"Definitely." His smile painted the word, and his sister grinned back at him.  
  
"Well then, I like her. I'd like to meet her one day. Dad might not be as excited, but I'm sure he'll come around if she keeps saving the world. Did she really blow up a batarian system though? It's been all over the news."  
  
"Yeah, there's a really long story behind that, but she turned herself in afterwards."  
  
Solana gave him an appraising look before nodding. "So my brother, the hero goes and falls in love with an even bigger hero, and human to boot. At least she doesn't look too squishy." She laughed, and Garrus relaxed, laughing along with her. "Before she died...well, Mom was worried about you, but I'm glad you found someone."  
  
"Me too, Sol." His mind was elsewhere, thinking about Shepard had sent wheels spinning. With a wave goodnight, he went to bed, thinking and planning. In the morning he'd speak to his father, and tell him about Shepard. Not just about her, but everything they'd seen and experienced. Now that his mother was gone, he had to do something about the Reapers. There wasn't much time left.  
  
"Dad, I need to talk to you." His father still woke up first, getting their whole house started. "It's about my last mission, well, all of them really."  
  
"About Commander Shepard, the human woman you have feelings for." When Garrus blanched, his father waved a hand. "Garrus, please, I have eyes, and I know the signs of a man in love. She's the only person that you seem to respect."  
  
That right there would normally have started a fight, but Garrus didn't give in. Instead he held his breath, the blew it all out at once as he'd seen Shinnara do more than once in a tense situation, his exhalation slow and purposeful.  
  
"Yes, Shinnara Shepard and I are close, but it's my private life. That has no bearing on what we saw, what we've done in the galaxy. Do you have time? I want to start from the beginning." He purposely used her first name to display their closeness, but he didn't want it to become to focus of their talk.  
  
His father gave him a meaningful look, obviously impressed that Garrus didn't start an argument. Either his son had mellowed, or what he had to say was too important to argue about. Perhaps a combination of the two, the father thought as he motioned to the table and chairs in the kitchen, where Garrus sat down across from him.  
  
"Remember Saren? Well this is how I met Shepard." Garrus leaned forward and started speaking, going slowly and detailing everything he could remember since he'd met Shepard and the Eden Prime ground team in the Council Chambers years ago.  
  
#####  
  
From: Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau  
To: Garrus Vakarian  
  
Re: How's it going?  
  
Haven't seen Shepard - they won't let us criminals near each other. She's under lock and key nearby though, we're back at Alliance HQ on Earth. If you're trying to write her, don't bother - I think they're blocking all of her incoming messages. But I have been back on the ship while it's in dry-dock, the Alliance is doing a retrofit. Hopefully they don't screw things up too bad.  
  
So those other things you asked about - are you sure you want them? There's a Commander Shepard specialty category, but I'm guessing that's not what you're interested in since you've already seen the real thing. Not that I have any, that would just be weird, but I thought I would put it out there. Wouldn't it be easier to look for some turian/asari stuff? Asari are a lot like humans, they even have five fingers and belly buttons.  
  
  
From: Garrus Vakarian  
To: Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau  
  
Subject: Just send it already  
  
I just want the human stuff. Call it knowing the expectations before going into the situation, or curiosity. Palaven is still trying to pretend like nothing is coming, no matter how loud I shout. Got my own Reaper task force now though, hopefully we can do a little good.  
  
Let me know if you hear anything about Shepard.  
  
  
In response, he got floods of, ahem, _interesting_ , vids from Joker. They were certainly educational, if not always enlightening. Garrus didn't know when he'd see Nara again, or really if he'd ever see her, but he was betting he would. He wanted to be ready, or as prepared as possible. Maybe it was the turian in him, or just the many years of military service conditioning his very though processes, but just having the information made him feel a little bit better, less awkward than the first time they'd been together before going through the Omega 4 relay.  
  
He had to say goodbye to his family much too soon, but he wasn't going to waste his chance. His father had gone to Primarch Fedorian and recounted all that he'd told him. Of course, cajoling the Primarch hadn't resulted in real action, but getting his own squad and a promotion was a good deal more than he'd had before. Getting his father to listen to him, to agree about the Reapers helped heal their troubled relationship, though it was far from repaired.  
  
Promising to be in touch more often this time, he hugged both Solana and his father goodbye, reminding them again, about the Reapers and to do everything they could to prepare, before setting off. Garrus made a note to send a few more thermal clips their way - they had been low the last time he'd gone to practice shooting. He was going to Palaven Command briefly, then to an outpost on Nanus, sister moon to Menae. Nanus was the first stop for many ships headed out to the colonies, inspections, last minute repairs and adjustments could be made there. It was the perfect place for his 'task force' to be based out of, with shuttle access to Menae and the resources there, he would know firsthand when the Reapers came into the system, and he could help strengthen defenses for the outlying colony worlds - both volus and turian.  
  
Nanus wasn't exactly a hotbed or social happenings. Ships passed through quickly, and Garrus and the rest of his small squad worked long hours, doing what they could to fortify defenses and working out deals to get more supplies to remote areas, especially medi-gel and heavy weaponry to use in ground attacks. Though he talked, interacted and commanded people all day, the mail from his family constituted the bulk of his social life, the continued absence of news about Shepard adding to his worry. Acute loneliness and morbid curiosity got the better of him one night, and he did an extranet search for the Shepard-alike vids that Joker had mentioned. They weren't terrible, but it was odd to witness someone dressed up like Shinnara, imitating her, seeing the little things that never quite added up to getting her right.   
  
He didn't know much about humans, but he gathered that she must be a very unique looking, because none of the actresses employed fit her description - though Garrus was aware that he was judging them harshly. Instead of watching the vids, he'd pause them and analyze their leads. An actress with obviously dyed hair, the strands too dark and too much of one color to truly resemble her. He remembered her hair, the dark, shifting strands flowing through his fingers, the color that looked sometimes black or a very dark brown until she was under a light, revealing the lighter brown, red and grey strands buried within it. It surprised him, how much hair she had when she took it out of the style she always wore it in, letting it cascade down her bare shoulders, seeing it spread out on her pillow as she lay beneath him.  
  
He switched to another one, flipped away from it nearly instantly. Such obviously fake breasts, even to his turian eyes, too high and much too large to sit on Shepard's toned body.  
  
There was one that was more like her in demeanor than looks, the voice was smidgen too high-pitched to be the real deal, but when she gave orders, it nearly sounded like her. He had to laugh when he saw the women playing Liara. She bore only a passing resemblance the doctor, but had perfected the asari's earnest grin and lit up every time the Protheans were mentioned. If it weren't so horribly embarrassing that he was watching Shepard porn vids, he might have sent it to her so she could see her _artistic representation_.  
  
Then then there was a woman with her eyes, the body shape was wrong, and her mouth a little too pouty, but the eyes fit, so close to the icy grey blue as Shinnara's eyes, but without the thick lashes and bronzed skin, Garrus didn't find them nearly as appealing.  
  
Garrus switched his omni-tool off and got into bed. Memories were better than imitation, any day. His foray onto the extranet confirmed only what he already knew - he missed her, terribly.


	4. The Lonesome Prisoner

The last message that got through on her omni-tool was from her mother, Captain Hannah Shepard.

" _Don't let take the fight out of you, not when we know there's more to come.  I love you, kiddo and will be back on Earth, standing by your side as soon as I can get back there._ "

Nara played it back whenever she felt down, and she'd heard it a lot recently.  It was nice, just to a familiar voice.  She spent so much time alone, more than ever since she'd joined the Alliance.  It reminded her of the time her father had been deployed to a remote science station for a few months, and she'd wondered around, the sole child of any age on a barely inhabited station out in the far reaches of Alliance space.

Her mother wasn't likely to be able to come back to Earth soon, and she knew it.  They would be keeping her away, just in case the batarians suspected her mother of using any influence to get a lighter sentence.  Just in case her mother could do anything, could sway something in her favor.  It was understandable, but it made her a little resentful.  The Reapers were coming, and she didn't even know where her mother was, might never see her again.  The thought of all the people she might not get to see again was too much, far too painful to deal with, especially under constant observation.  If she burst into tears, the Alliance might think she'd finally cracked and would cook up a another reason to keep her here, as if the criminal charges weren't enough.

Things weren't all bad back on Earth - except for the whole prison thing.  Even that wasn't entirely unpleasant, it was more like being grounded by her parents than what she'd been expecting.  It wasn't nearly as terrifying as the place on Aratoht where she'd rescued Dr. Amanda Kenson, though she wasn't naive enough to think the Alliance didn't have their own brand of facilities dedicated to persuading captives to talk.  Hopefully they weren't at all similar to the leaky, decrepit place where the indoctrinated doctor had been held.

Vega - the marine leading the security team of her own personal watchdogs seemed decent, at least he didn't talk down to her.  As much as she tried to do right, to be the soldier she was taught to be, she'd stepped on some toes.  It was lucky that he wasn't one of the people that had it in for her, clamoring to take the piss out of the famous Commander Shepard now that she was grounded.

While Shinnara was comfortable and well-treated, the isolation made her bored and forlorn, a combination that had her sleeping a great deal more than she needed.  Reading in her bed turned more often to napping, and her few debriefings had taken place as soon as she came back, so she had increasing stretches of time where no one summoned her or came to check in.  During the daytime she was taken out of her cell to exercise, and she'd found jogging next to a guard oddly comforting, but her only regular meeting with a person was with an Alliance psychologist who just let her ramble in stretches.

During the nights, she couldn't sleep, no matter how tired her body was.  The darkness lent life to her memories, so vivid that she could nearly trick herself and escape into a few moments of bliss.

Beneath her hands his skin had a thick, leathery feeling, tough, though it wasn't as hard as she'd expected his plates to be, and Garrus smiled down at her as she ran her fingers down the ridges of his chest in exploration.  She reached up and kissed him again, the rough scarred mandible scratching her moistened lips slightly as they inched closer to his mouth.  They were slow, cautious, the first time, and his careful fingers brushed lightly over her breasts, gliding over the exposed skin at the top, the pressure of his touch increasing whenever he met the resistance of her bra.

"Shepard, I'm not going to be able to get you out of that thing."  Garrus admitted between kisses and Shinnara threw her head back and laughed, before unhooking and sliding it off, dropping it onto the pile of clothes on the side of her bed.

"You don't need help with these, I hope."  She pointed at her underwear, teasing him, her words full of mirth.

"Those, I think I can handle. Much more straightforward."  His hand slid down her side, caressing the length of her leg before they came to rest at her waistband.  Another kiss, his tongue slithering against hers, and she closed her eyes, letting him ease the fabric off of her, removing the last remaining piece of clothing between them.

" _Garrus_."  She whispered the word at the same time she'd said it in her memory, and the recollection splintered around her.

Nara sat up in bed and looked out the window.  Beyond the buildings, the stars were visible against the velvety ebony skies, and just watching them brought her back a measure of peace.  Space was where she'd been born, spent most of her life growing up; it belonged to her as much as she belonged to it.  Being groundside felt too confining, and she knew nothing of the munandities of planetary life, only the longing to get back amongst the stars.  Garrus was out there, another reason she should be in space, just to be closer to him.


	5. Indefinitely

Daylight streamed through the window but Nara turned her back on it.  There was little point in appreciating the same view she'd see tomorrow and for countless days after that  without an end in sight.  Later they'd take her out for a little exercise, and that was all she could muster up the energy to look forward to, everything else was just wasting time, letting the Reapers build their strength.

The missing hadn't just started, but it was becoming more acute with each passing day, she missed her ship, her crew, doing anything meaningful at all.  No information had been given to her about anyone and all she could do was sit around and wonder, hoping that everyone was alright.  At the forefront her thoughts was always Garrus, her longing for him had long since passed the stage of just missing and had become painful.  Closing her eyes, she thought back, trying to lose herself in the only comfort she had, the brief time when she'd forgotten the turmoil of the world falling apart.

Back when she'd first met Garrus, she'd liked him, but hadn't really known what to make of him after that little shootout in Dr. Michel's clinic in the Wards.  He was dedicated, she gave him that, and her attraction to him, well, she'd just chalked that up to curiosity about aliens.

But that hadn't been strictly true, at least it hadn't been a simple curiosity about other races.  If it had, then she'd should have been more than willing to be with Liara.  The beautiful asari hadn't been shy about making her interest in Shepard known.  Back then it had been Liara and Kaidan both vying for her affections, and though she rather thought both of them attractive and liked them well enough, neither had really done anything for her.  Liara was a little too naive and Kaidan, once upon a time he might have been just her type.

She'd been in a relationship for a while with the nephew of Admiral Mikhailovich.  They'd been set up on a blind date by her mother and some relative of his, and surprisingly, hit it off well.  Tall and sandy-haired, he'd been a sweet, by-the-books type of guy who never showed up late for a date.  After a while, Shinnara had started to feel stifled by his well-meaning affections, too scrutinized by his attentions.  They'd started to argue about everything from space travel to regulations, about missions and decisions they'd made in the past.  When she got promoted and he didn't, he'd felt honor-bound to end it, even though they weren't serving aboard the same ship.  Word had it that he married the navigator on his ship a year later.  Kaidan was so like him in demeanor, sometimes she had to remind himself that Alenko was his own man, not someone from her past.  Still, he was a little too close to home, no matter how cute his smile was.  
  
When her new Cerberus-built Normandy docked at the rough and tumble port of Omega, she hadn't thought she'd find her old friend dodging merc fire there.  As Archangel took off his helmet and revealed himself to be her favorite turian sharpshooter, the trill up her spine more than just friendly relief at seeing Garrus.  It had taken her a while to get up the courage, and even when she had propositioned him, it was sill awkward as all hell, but there had been nothing sweeter than knowing that he returned her interest.  Reach and flexibility - she almost wanted to thank the woman that came before her, the one that had given her a chance to speak up and say something, after wanting him for so long.  For the briefest of moments, everything aligned correctly, making Nara feel something other than dread for the first time since she'd woken up on the Cerberus medical facility.

Then that damned disaster with Doctor Kenson and Aratoht happened, and things spun wildly out of control again, her fragile peace shattering with the destruction of a mass relay and the tragic loss of a batarian colony.  Every single time she thought of the planet she couldn't warn, guilt and frustration twisted her insides, the weight of the remorse on her chest making it nearly impossible to draw in breath.  Whenever her dreams weren't about Garrus, she was still racing around that facility with all those indoctrinated scientists, fighting her way out.

Trapped in her austere little cell, nearly always alone, gave Shinnara too much time to think, and she often speculated about seeing how it might go if she got to see Garrus again, wondering how he felt about her.  They'd started out saying that they'd just been blow off steam together, but it held much more meaning for the both of them to cross that line.  When things went wrong, it was Garrus that she'd turned to, and what they'd shared in her cabin before the Omega 4 relay, it had been more emotional than either of them expected.  Combined with his visit before he left for Palaven and she thought, or hoped rather that she had something more special than just a simple tryst.  She'd never actually said how much it meant, how much he'd come to mean to her, and she sighed heavily.  Perhaps if she had, then things wouldn't feel so nebulous, she could at least know where she stood...or she could be completely alone and heartbroken in a cell after learning that he didn't love her.

It was pointless to speculate and it was driving her crazy.  There was no telling how long she'd be a guest of the Alliance, and Garrus had to have more on his mind than her, especially with his mother being so ill, if she even still lived.  Shepard grimaced at the thought, but during her last conversation with Garrus, he'd feared that he wouldn't get back to Palaven in time to say goodbye.  She hoped he had, but without any connection outside of the Alliance, she'd probably only find out if she saw him again.

Vega stamped into her room and saluted, though he knew he didn't have to salute her anymore.  Whatever she'd said or done in their brief conversations, he'd decided to respect her, and the unexpected development pleased her.  She'd impressed him enough that he'd formed his own opinion and she liked that he'd taken the time to do it, even in their current circumstances.

"Shepard, the book you requested from the libraries was approved and should be available for download to your data console now that it's passed through screening."

"Thank you, Lieutenant."

"An interest in turian culture, ma'am? Seems pretty straightforward to me - they're all military.  I can get that."

"You'd be surprised just how different the military is for turians.  Did you know that they are allowed to fight each other before high-risk missions to let off steam?  It's supervised, of course."  She smiled at the reference, making a private joke for herself.  In her mind, she could see the sideways turian smirk that Garrus would give her if he could hear her.

"Oh yeah?  Sounds like I could fit right in."  Vega gave a small smile before saluting her again and leaving.  Nara clicked on the lone datapad that had been in her room and let the book download.  Just in case things went right for a change, she wanted to be prepared.

######

Work kept Garrus busy for most of the time, but whenever he had time off, it was harder to process than the long shifts and fights for supplies.  Days off found him sitting around listlessly, forcing himself to watch vids or sitting alone in his quarters to pass the time.  There were times when he considered his busy schedule a kindness in disguise, it let him go to bed and sleep without his mind wandering too much, or the thoughts eating away at it him.

He was enduring another day off, staring listlessly at his walls, thinking of Shepard, of his family and Palaven when a message beeped on his omni-tool.  Liara.  He hadn't heard from her since they'd fought their way through the Broker's base, leaving an exhausted and overwhelmed Liara at the helm of it, poised to take over as the Shadow Broker.  Sitting up, he quickly pulled up the live feed.

"Garrus, I'm glad I caught you."  Liara said in a breathless voice.  The picture was a little shaky, as if she was walking quickly and talking at the same time.

"It's my day off, I get those now.  What's up?"

"I have news about Shepard, and I thought you might want to hear it."

"You impress me T'Soni.  How did you get news about Nara?"  Appreciation flooded through the turian as he waited for his friend to explain.

"It wasn't hard actually, Admiral Hackett contacted me and I have a few agents in the Alliance, though none are able to get close to her.  I'm going to the Mars Archives for a while, to go through the Prothean data there.  But Shepard is fine for the moment, at Alliance Headquarters on Earth.  Garrus, they aren't planning to put her to trial, and her mother, Captain Shepard, is being kept away from her.  She's being detained, indefinitely."

"Any idea what they are planning?"

"It's almost as if they are waiting for something.  Confirmation about the Reapers possibly, but more likely information about the batarian government.  There are rumors that many high-ranking officials in the Hegemony are indoctrinated, but I can't figure out how.  If they're as bad off as it seems...Feron, are you ready?"  Liara turned away, speaking to her drell friend just over her shoulder.  The man gave a low, inaudible reply and Liara turned back to him.

"Garrus, I'll try to contact you again if I have anything else.  We have to go now."

"Thanks for letting me know.  Take care of yourself."

"She cares for you, and wouldn't want you to worry."  Liara bounced briefly out of view and then back in again, and behind her Garrus could see the inside of a shuttle, her info drone bobbing along behind her.  "You take care as well, Garrus."  Liara said and the transmission ended.  Though she hadn't said anything about herself, he was concerned for the asari.  She didn't seem as if she was in over her head, but she always played it cool.  It was one of the things he'd liked about her.

The information about Shepard was unsettling, the news of no trial more than anything else.  Waiting, indefinitely for something...what was the Alliance really doing?  Getting up and walking across to his door, quickly made his way to the communications center of the command post.

"Vakarian, sir."  The man at the console saluted him as he came in.

"Are you picking up anything from batarian space?  Any comm traffic that might indicate what's going on over there?"

The man fiddled with the controls, switching them to the stations that monitored the batarians.  Garrus waited anxiously, suddenly uncomfortable in his off-duty clothing.  He needed to be back in his armor, to feel the comforting weight of his rifle on his back.

"Sir, everything seems fine."  The man said, turning to him with a confused face.

"Nothing out of the ordinary?"  Garrus asked.

"No, sir.  Shall I keep monitoring?"

A dark foreboding settled over him, and Garrus closed his eyes, gathering his thoughts.  Everything pointed to the batarians being the first hit by the Reapers, for whatever reason.  There had to be a better way to find out what was going on over there, too many lives depended on it.

"Yes, constant monitoring, and alert me if anything changes.  Use my authorization if anyone asks.  I need to make a few calls."  Garrus said, excusing himself.  The Primarch may have only half-listened to his concerns about the Reapers, but Garrus had friends of his own in the military.  There had to be someone who could pass him a little more information about the Kite's Nest system.  If he couldn't get it from his own military, he'd try asking some of his volus contacts; they knew everything, for a price.

It wasn't until much later that he even had time to process what felt like one of the most important things Liara said.  " _She cares for you and wouldn't want you to worry_."  How the asari had found out about him and Shepard, he didn't know, but it spread a feeling of triumph throughout his mind.  He couldn't stop himself from worrying, expecting the worst, but it was nice to know that other people knew Nara cared for him.  It made their relationship feel more concrete, legitimate, and not just something he wished for in the moments just before he fell asleep.


	6. The Awaited Hour

Shinnara Shepard was like family to Anderson, and when the call came, he did everything in his power to help her. She willingly turned herself and her ship in, and that went a long way to restoring Anderson's faith in her. Whatever Cerberus had done to bring her back - they hadn't changed her. Even Hackett acknowledged it, and now he was taking the warnings of the Reapers seriously.  
  
"Major Alenko, Shepard's in trouble. I need you to tell the board everything you know about the Reapers, and don't leave anything out. Maybe then they will see the signs and put it together. I've always believed she was telling the truth, but my word alone isn't going to be enough this time." Anderson recorded the vid mail in a hurry, hoping that Kaidan would see it before they called him to testify. He was so busy with his squad, he hadn't heard from him since promoting him to Major recently.  
  
"What's going on?" Kaidan looked wary when he reported to Anderson. The Admiral motioned for him to sit down and pulled up the report about Aratoht.  
  
"She blew up a mass relay to prevent the Reapers from pouring through it."  
  
"Damn it, I was hoping that the batarians had it wrong. They make Shepard seem like some kind of loose cannon."  
  
"Shepard had orders from Hackett to get to the system, but there was an indoctrinated deep-cover operative out there that took her hostage according to her report. Here." He slid the datapad across the table to Kaidan and stayed silent while he read it. The major's face changed as he read it, dark brows rose and then furrowed, his face growing more worried as he went on. When Kaidan finally finished, he looked up at Anderson.  
  
"Hackett ordered this?" Kaidan asked incredulously, but didn't get an answer, and kept reading on. This was top-level stuff and he had a feeling that Anderson was taking a big risk showing it to him, despite his new rank. The major reread a few sections for clarity before turning back to Anderson. "I believe her. What do you need me to do?"  
  
"We'll need to speak the committee, but don't go near her. We don't want them to think your old commander influenced you."  
  
"I hadn't planned on it anyway." Kaidan offered. Anderson gave him a shrewd look. The resentment Kaidan harbored towards Shepard spoke of something more than just a working relationship, though Anderson hadn't pried.  
  
"Speak freely, Major. Did something happen between the two of you?"  
  
"On Horizon sir, I handled it badly, seeing her there, working for an enemy." Kaidan put it bluntly, but then seemed to regret it, shifting uncomfortably and awkwardly scratching the back of his neck before continuing. "If she's a little pissed at me, she's got more than a little right to be. And I can't say that I trust her, working with Cerberus. Don't know who she is anymore." He sat forward in his chair and lowered his voice. "But this reads like her, like the Alliance soldier I served under before. If she did this for Hackett, I can back her up. Maybe she's still the same person we once knew, and not some Cerberus lackey."  
  
"Only she can convince you of that, and I can't say I didn't have the same reservations you had at some point. We have all the reports from her and her crew, she turned them over when she surrendered. I'll get you access to them, read them for yourself and decide. But she's Shepard, and she's always been our best hope."  
  
"Then we'll do what we can for her, Admiral." Kaidan saluted and left, heading back to his office. He wasn't sure if he wanted to read those reports. Doubt had eaten at him since he'd seen Shepard on Horizon, and though he hadn't been seeking out information about her, it always seemed to find him. Nothing had really struck his as odd about Shepard, other than the fact that she was alive.  
  
There was no way for him to know, and he had to go with his gut on this. He'd read the reports and not let his hopes get the better of him. But Kaidan hoped that Shinnara Shepard was still the same person he'd met on the Normandy all those years ago, the commander that became his friend, the officer he'd respected, the comrade he'd mourned.  
  
#####  
  
Even with his whole family pointing out that he bore the obvious signs of a man in love, Garrus wasn't really sure if that's how he felt. Not until he recognized them in himself. It came at the oddest time, he'd been standing near some crates on an outgoing ship and he'd decided to buy a bottle of wine. There had been some really good choices, and he regretted he hadn't been able to get more than one bottle. He'd picked a bottle of Thessia, thinking about what Nara might like or what would get him good and drunk if he had to drink it all alone. The ship captain that sold it to him listened as he talked about her, how she was 'far away' and that he hoped to see her again, eventually.  
  
"Is your mate out in the colonies or something? We could get a present to her if you want." The man offered and Garrus had been surprised that he'd assumed that she was his mate just from the little he'd said.  
  
"No, she's...well she was in command of a ship, but now she's, um, waiting for new orders."  
  
"Military then. That's tough both of you away on duty all the time. I hope you get to see her again real soon."  
  
"Me too." Garrus replied. "Thanks for the wine. Safe travels." He said, as he waved the ship off. There were extra medi-gels and weapons aboard thanks to him, and a few more rations headed towards Aephus. The colony had important shipyards, but only medium defenses. Those workers would be needed once the war came their way, and they were sure to be targeted at some point.  
  
A few nights later, an urgent signal drew Garrus from the light sleep he was suffering through. "Sir, all the comms in the batarian systems have gone dark. Long range scans are picking up nothing, it's like they're being blocked.  It's just gone..." The confused voice of a soldier sounded through his omni-tool. Apprehension and a twisted feeling, dark and deeper, a sense of a long held fear being confirmed flooded through him, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. It was the Reapers, no doubt about it.  
  
Breathing out a calming breath, Garrus opened his eyes and thought of Shepard. Throughout the time that they'd been apart, he'd worked hard at protecting Palaven and the colonies, getting people to listen to him. The last few years since they'd gone after Saren couldn't just fall into nothingness until the Reapers attacked. He owed Shepard more than that. He would have done it anyway, even if he didn't love her, because she was right and time was wasting.  
  
For a moment he let himself not be a soldier, to just feel. It was what he needed, to get a sense of the situation. Turians were taught to do their duty first, and let their commanders make the hard decisions, to pass the decision up the chain of command when things were over their heads. The thing was, Garrus had never really liked that part of turian life, and he knew passing this up higher would get it ignored. Any number of excuses could be used - the batarians were simply upgrading their systems, or some other such nonsense, but he knew what he felt. Things were going to get ugly and he had to be the one to fix it.  No one else really believed in the Reapers, much less had talked to one with Shepard.  
  
And all he could think about was how much he wanted to see her again. If this was it, then he might not mind it as much if he were fighting at her side.  
  
That luxury wasn't available at the moment, and Garrus snapped into action, doing the first thing he'd planned to do in this event.   "Spirits, take care of Shepard.  Let her be okay."  He said, the dual tones of his voice quiet and serious.  
  
"Dad, I'm sorry to wake you." He started, launching into an explanation. He was still explaining when the Reapers surged through the relays and hit the Sol System.  
  
  
Garrus wasn't the only one to recognize the signs for what they were. When the Alliance lost contact with several deep space outposts, Admiral Hackett sent word to mobilize the fleets. There were times when he'd questioned Shepard, her reasoning, the calls she'd made out in the field, but never ever had he questioned her honesty. Integrity wasn't something that could be tossed aside and put back on when needed, and though he found some of her work questionable at best, she'd never done it without a damn good reason.  
  
For weeks Anderson had been pushing for them to talk to Shepard formally, to do more than just keep her there. Truthfully, Hackett hadn't known what to do with her, and neither did anyone else on the disciplinary committee. Half wanted to court-martial her and the others wanted to give her a medal. Whatever they wanted could wait now, they needed information, preparation, hell even some answers would be nice.  
  
He wasn't a man easily frightened, but as he watched reports coming in of the batarian system, right next door to Sol, going dark in a systematic, calculated manner, his throat constricted and a cold sweat broke out on his forehead. He'd read all of Shepard's reports and this seemed odd, even for Reapers. Too easy. Wouldn't the batarians fight? He couldn't understand it, but the attack felt wrong. It wasn't the time to lose his head, and years of training and surviving kicked in, letting him compartmentalize his worry, setting it aside so he could do his job.  
  
"Get me Admiral Anderson. We need Shepard." Hackett ordered. She was the only one that might be able to make any sense of the readings he was seeing, let them know what to expect. "We're going to mobilize the fleets."


	7. The First Wave

Shepard had nearly forgotten how glorious reading was, and was ashamed that it took being locked up to remind her. After spending far too many weeks in a blur of malaise, she'd finally been inspired to research turian culture, out of a desperate sense of loneliness and missing that gripped her far too often. The text on her screen explained so much, explored nuances she hadn't thought about, told her things about Garrus that she wouldn't even have thought to ask.  
  
And that was just the nonfiction.  
  
Nara began devouring words, whole tomes of information, which she spoke giddily about to anyone whom would listen to her for more than a few minutes. Poor Vega had been subjected to her droning on and on about an asari poetess she'd just discovered a few days ago. During her runs, she suspected the guards of going faster just so they didn't have to listen to her distill her favorite new books into summaries given in short, panting breaths. Reading had become her salvation. If she couldn't be out fighting, she wanted to be in touch with what she was fighting for.  
  
It was during one of her breaks to rest her eyes that Vega strode purposefully into her room. The marines that guarded her were always punctual, regular in their visits, so she knew something was up even before he opened his mouth.  
  
"Commander."  
  
"You're not supposed to call me that anymore, James." Shinnara said as she turned away from the window in time to see him salute her.  
  
Not long after that, Shepard was back on the Normandy for the first time in months, with Joker at the helm, Kaidan Alenko at her side, as if the past two and a half years hadn't happened at all. If it hadn't been for the Reapers attacking Earth, she could have fooled herself into thinking that her world was righting itself again.  
  
######  
  
"Oh no, no. Palaven." Liara sounded so pained when she looked out the shuttle window as they headed towards the LZ on Menae. There was an unpbstructed view of Palaven below them, and so many of the cities were on fire she couldn't tell where some began and others ended. It was just as heartbreaking as the devastation she left behind on Earth, and chilling to know that their enemies were so powerful that they could mount simultaneous cataclysmic attacks like this in multiple arenas.  
  
The lump in her throat grew so large that she could hardly breathe around it, could barely think. As she struggled to force air into her lungs, her mind was filled with only one face, her heart breaking as she thought of how she missed the comforting dual tones of his flanging voice.  Comms had been out since before she left Earth, and she'd barely been able to speak to Hackett. There was no doubt that the turians on Palaven were cut off from the galaxy, from any aid that may have been offered, any warning that could have been sent. Was Garrus somewhere down there? Was he still alive? Could she even find him in that mess?  
  
She was determined to find out. If she could save the Primarch, then she was going to get Garrus, no matter where he was. If the tables were turned, he would do the same for her.  
  
The thought is pushed aside when she gets down to Menae, just wading through the husks was hard work. No one seems to know exactly what's going on from one moment to the next, just that the turians are losing ground, quickly. Bleak horror settles into the pit of her stomach - the turians were the might of the Council races, with more dreadnoughts than anyone else. They were the force that policed the galaxy, but here, on their own planet, they're getting wiped out as if they were children flying paper planes in a thunderstorm.  
  
"Primarch Fedorian is dead." Shinnara's better at reading turian faces than she used to be, and General Corinthus looks absolutely gutted when he delivers the news.

Her reading and fascination with all things turian came in handy, she understands the mournful hum in his subvocals that she would have missed before, can see the sadness kept under tight control as he clicked his mandibles, keeping his face rigid to hide his unseemly display of emotions. She attempted a respectful type of comfort, but her nerves were frazzled and it felt like everything is going to hell far too quickly, dragging her kicking and screaming along at the head.    
  
After Mars, after the Council refusing to help and seeing the heavy turian losses firsthand, her spirits droop even lower. Earth needed her, and she needed the turians, even though they're in rough shape themselves. All political problems need to be resolved quickly, to get someone, _anyone_.  Shinnara felt like screaming as the tension pounded behind her eyes, and in that moment it didn't matter who they come up with. If they don't come up with someone soon, there won't be a need, but for whatever reason, she seemed to be the only one concerned about that.  
  
For a brief instance on her way to restore the communications tower, she thought she saw Garrus fighting in the distance. There was a turian with a sniper rifle and visor that caught her eye, but he was too far away and she under fire. Liara saves her tail - using singularity to pull a husk at her back away while Vega fixed the array. If she had a fraction of a second to herself, she'd look again, call out " _Vakarian_ " and see if his head would swivel in her direction.    
  
But when she heads back that way, the man is gone. She hadn't thought it possible, but her heart descended lower, making her a little more weary as they head back to General Corinthus.  
  
#####  
  
It was strange for a turian to fall quite so in love with a human, but they lived in the strangest of times.  
  
Even stranger that the first thing he noticed when he saw her, and he'd been looking at her before she even knew he was there - was that her hair was longer now.  He could tell, there just seemed to be more, even with it all gathered back into an elaborate knot that sat atop her head. It was pretty that way, keeping it out of the way so he could see the contours her beautiful face from a distance. Garrus loved her face, a soft contrast to his hard angles, the roundness pleasing in a way he hadn't expected, full lips bestowing upon him tender goodbye kiss before she went back to Earth to turn herself in.  
  
The fighting on Menae had been fierce, and he'd arrived only just before the Reapers. It was painful, watching the destruction he'd known was coming, but hadn't really understood the horrors that it would bring. He hadn't heard from his father or sister since the attack came, and it added more worry to the giant list he already had going.  
  
When the hell had Shepard learned to use a sniper rifle that well? Was that something they did in Alliance prison? Garrus was shocked when Shepard had shown up and began shooting husks in the head, but they'd been in so bad there, he didn't bother to ask. Nara was as beautiful as ever, and now, well he was glad that he'd taken the time to buy wine and keep it with his things.  
  
He put his hand over hers, briefly intimate - as much as they could be with such an audience. General Corinthus knew better than to give him a questioning look in public, but he could practically feel the questions, suspicions, accusations under the surface.  Garrus didn't have any concern to spare for the bewildered general - he doesn't owe anyone an explanation for caring about her, for being damn overjoyed to see her, free and alive on Menae.  Though he just wondered if she still felt the same way about him, the months that have passed since they've last seen each other were long.   
  
Amongst humans, Shepard had risen to become a legend, an icon. Throughout his own people, she was as known and as respected as any human could hope to be, thought of as a capable warrior and peacemaker. A commander who engendered love and led without hesitation, making allies of the friendly and converting the skeptical to devotees.  
  
Though her presence on Menae had been unexpected, he was so relieved to see her, whole and intact, fighting more fiercely than he'd seen in a long time. If he'd been a more articulate man, someone less awkward, he would have been able to put a better name to the bliss that he felt at the sight of her, but he settled for calling it sheer relief. If they were going to fight the Reapers, they needed Shepard at the forefront. Garrus wouldn't be anywhere other than right beside her.  
  
"Harvester inbound!" Lieutenant Vega pointed overhead where another Reaper was flying low, dropping off the twisted remains of the conquered dead, turned into Reaper foot soldiers.  
  
Nara turned around, looking at Garrus. He couldn't really tell, but it felt like she was asking him a question, trying to understand something. When he met her eyes, he didn't drop his gaze, not for anything, concentrating just on her. That second between them spans lifetimes, he could have lived and died a thousand times in the time it takes for her to react, to make the tiny grin that twitches at the corner of her lips bloom into being.  
  
"You coming Garrus?" It's rhetorical, but he answers anyway, just wanting to say it aloud, to talk with her again.  
  
"Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss this."  
  
Shooting him a large, wide smile that could have launched a thousand fantasies, she took off in the lead, sniper rifle out. He'd really missed her.


	8. Out of Alignment

Garrus couldn't figure it out - there was something about her, the way she moved, her hair shining in the light, the sureness in her step, _everything_ about her, drove him completely to distraction, even when she wasn't near.  Maybe because he'd never found anyone like Shepard before, she made everything seem new, a flame ignited without warning suddenly flooding the world with light.  He was supposed to go talk to the Primarch, but his thoughts of Nara refused to be ignored making him wish for just an hour or two to spend with her, to let his body reaffirm the memories that were keeping him from sleep, driving him steadily towards madness.  

There was an endless amount of work to do, he got back into his duties for the Normandy and Victus demanded his so-called expertise, as well as the troops still fighting.  General Corinthus sent him updates whenever he could, and Garrus felt no joy in receiving the grim news.  He had never gotten so much mail in his life, people asking him questions, needing answers right away, lives hinging on his words.  At some point, he should probably eat too, but that seemed almost secondary to all he was fielding at the moment.

It felt selfish to abandon his duties for even a moment to see her.  He wasn't sure if he should, or if Nara even wanted to see him right now. Their schedules had yet to align and she was a whirlwind of activity.  She was so focused, figuring things out about this war, everyone making demands of her, hoping that she alone can end the destruction before it truly hits them.  To go from inmate to the only hope of salvation the against the Reapers had to be daunting, but she truly didn't belong any other place.   _Except in his bed_ , Garrus chuckled darkly to himself as the thought burrowed into his mind.

Spirits, but he was crazy about her.  When she'd kissed him in the gun battery, it had almost made all of that waiting worth it.  Turians didn't kiss, but he had grown to be very fond of it, especially after being on the receiving end of Shepard's kisses.  He hadn't realized how much he'd missed everything - this ship had become their home, and he was closer to the crew than he'd been with a lot of the people in C-Sec.  It surprised him how much he missed the Cerberus people, though few of those faces were still aboard.  

"Excuse me, Garrus."  Specialist Traynor's voice came over the intercom, startling him.  He'd gotten used to Kelly Chambers, although Traynor seemed quite nice.

"Urdnot Wrex would like a word with you, as would Primarch Victus."

"Thanks, Traynor.  Tell them I'm on my way."  Garrus sighed as he pushed away from his console, setting his own wishes aside.  He was certain that Nara was off-duty now, but he was still maddeningly busy, unable to break away to see her.

Having Wrex on the ship made it seem almost like old times, if he could keep his friend and the Primarch from coming to blows.  The glares the two had been giving each other would have made icy seem warm.  He'd been surprised when she'd gone straight to Salarian space to meet the diplomatic ship, but in the few spare moments they had together, she had made it abundantly clear that Earth was faring worse than Palaven, and that she wasn't wasting any time.  The thought made Garrus pause, feeling a twinge of guilt, if only he could go to her, give her a chance to rest, take her mind off duty for awhile.  Before he could get caught up in how much he too needed a distraction, the elevator doors opened to the CIC, and he made his way towards the War Room.

Nara went to the Main Battery, surprised to find it empty.  After she checked with Liara, and in the lounge, she gave in and pulled up the live map on her omni-too, searching for Garrus.  The War Room - she should have known.  The thought of going in there again almost made her groan aloud, but she held it in and took out her frustrations on the button that admitted her to elevator, slamming her fist into it.  She didn't want to just talk to Garrus, but maybe she could catch him down there, see if he had any free time.

Bleary-eyed, she made her way down to the War Room in a tired haze.  If she did convince Garrus to come back to her quarters, there might not be anything between them but sleep, considering the way she dragged herself through the security scan.  The door to the War Room opened with their usual swish, but Nara walked straight into something solid as she tired to enter.  Bouncing off the moving wall she identified as Wrex, Nara staggered backwards, and her friend shot out a three-fingered hand to catch her.

She shook her head at his concerned look, though she rubbed a spot on her side that was sure to sprout a bruise.  "Calling it a night, Wrex?"  Nara asked, looking over Wrex's shoulder to see Garrus talking to Victus.

"Going to check in the medbay before I do, keep your salarian on his toes."   Wrex turned, following her not so subtle gaze.  "Mmmhmm."  He drawled knowingly, smirking at Nara.

"I just came to check on things."  She said defensively, before he could ask, crossing her arms over her chest.  Perhaps he took pity on her obvious exhaustion, instead of calling her out, he settled for laughter.

"I won't ask which ones." He chortled.  "Night, Shepard."  

"Wrex."

She sat down at the terminal, looking over her accumulated assets, their strength how effectively the fleets were performing out in the field.  All of it wasn't looking so good, but there were more allies out there, more resources she could get for the Crucible.  They had to do better than this to stop the Reapers.  Shepard tried to glance over at Garrus surreptitiously a few times, hoping to catch his eye, but he was deep in conversation.   When her eyes started to cross and the words in front her began to dance to the beat of her aching head, she decided to call it quits.  Victus was still talking to Garrus, and she nodded at them both before heading out.

"Shepard, wait."  Garrus rounded the corner behind her, catching her just outside the War Room.  There was no one else around, just the assorted boxes and the table that used to be in her comm room before the retrofit.

Nara leaned up against the wall, smiling tiredly up at him.  "Finished with the Primarch?"

"Not yet, but, I uh, wanted to talk to you before you left.  Are you busy?"

"I'm going to bed."  She reached out and stroked his scarred mandible.  "All by my lonesome."  She added the provocation in a mocking voice straddling the line between tempting and downcast voice, though she wouldn't ask him to abandon his work with the Primarch.  He growled, pushing her up against the wall, fitting himself as close to her as he could get in his armor.  Nara let out a breathless gasp at the ferocity and quickness of his response, not realizing how little enticement Garrus needed.

One of the best things about turians was that they nuzzled instead of kissed, using their whole bodies to get close, and she could feel Garrus pressing all of him against her, his breath warming the skin of her neck.  She curved into the touch, moaning softly as she wrapped her arms around his neck, stroking the sensitive spot at the back of his head, under his fringe with the tips of her fingers.  Closing her eyes, she concentrated on welcome his touch was against her skin, throwing in a few kisses of her own as his hands slid over the curves hidden under the blue Alliance uniform she wore.  She could feel him trying to pull back, but she refused him that mercy and her fingers stroked the soft part just under his jaw, then slipped into the top of his armor, touching the top of his cowl.

"I know all your dirty tricks, Shepard."  Garrus said in a low, rough whisper that sent sparks trailing through her overtired body.  She gave a husky chuckle, kissing him once more before he extracted himself from her grip.  His hand grabbed hers as he slid away, and he stood holding her hand, though not close enough.

"I miss you."  Nara confessed.  "I know we're both busy, but soon, Garrus.  Soon."

"I miss you too.  Don't worry."  He squeezed her hand in his.  "I remember where your room is."  

When he did make his way up to her quarters, exhausted and hungry, he found a Shepard who'd already slept and showered, ready to start a new rotation on duty.  It had taken a few more hours than he'd projected to finish up his work, six and a half of them, if he wanted to be precise, and Garrus was _always_ precise.  Cursing the spirits that wouldn't grant him any sort of good timing, he settled himself with another kiss and a promise of another time before he went to sleep himself.  Shepard invited him to sleep in her bed, and he nestled into the sheets that still carried her scent, both comforting and frustrating him as he slipped easily into sleep.

It was when she was talking to Mordin that something fortuitous dawned on Shepard.  Earlier in the day, Traynor told her about Grissom Academy's fake call for help, and Mordin and Eve still needed time for the genophage cure.  Eve's immune system was still weakened, and Wrex was being peevish about giving his tissue sample to Mordin.  It would take a few hours to get to Grissom Academy, and though she was worried about the students there, they couldn't go any faster.  The confluence of events conspired to give her free time she hadn't anticipated.

Too impatient to wait simply wait for Garrus to stop working, a tactic which hadn't been in her favor recently, she headed down there. He could be convinced, he just needed to be sure that no one was going to interrupt them, there would be no urgent calls or distractions.  EDI made sure that she wasn't to be disturbed until just before they arrived at the Academy, and no one would be allowed up to her cabin.  All that was left was to get Garrus.

"Garrus."  Shepard came into the gun battery while he'd been down examining the cannon, making sure the alignment was just to his liking.  He didn't see her at first, and she came closer, remembering how she'd kissed him in just the same spot when he'd come aboard the Normandy.

"Shepard."  He turned to face her and gaped for just a second at her, then let himself smile.  Still dressed in her uniform, she'd let her hair down and was smiling, gliding towards him.  "Nara."  He amended his greeting, warmth and anticipation coloring the word, the hum and pitch becoming altogether more sultry.  She definitely wasn't here to be called Commander Shepard.

"Aren't you off-duty yet?"  She asked, a playful lilt in her voice.

"I could be...convinced to call it quits.  What do you have in mind?"

"We have a while before we get to Grissom Academy and you know, I think I could use a hand washing my hair."

"Is that so?"  Garrus lifted a brow plate as he studied her, considering doing away with all of the talk and just taking her against the guns.

"You'd have to take a shower with me."  She looks up at him through her lashes, fingers trailing up his forearm.  He can't feel them through his armor, but the sight of them dancing up his arm made him remember her touch, her skin pressed against his.  Had it really been six months since she'd gone away?  He could recall the hours before the Omega 4 relay as if they'd happened just the previous week.

"I think I can manage that."  There was a deep growl in his subvocals, hungry, possessive and Nara looks pleased when she hears it.  Grabbing his hand, they both scrambled to leave the Main Battery.

On the other side of the door, Primarch Victus was striding towards them, his face the normal, impassive mask he uses to discuss business.  Taking a deep breath, Nara stops herself from cursing just in time.  They were trapped, her hand still holding hands with Garrus, the Primarch bodily blocking the path to the elevator.

"Excuse me, Commander Shepard.  I thought I might have a word with Garrus."  Primarch Victus looked down at her in amusement, raising his brow plate when he spied their intertwined fingers, but his tone is serious.

She could feel Garrus starting to speak, to obey and ask what he wants, but she's quicker.  There won't be a "Yes, sir.", not here unless it truly can't be helped.  Taking a deep breath before she steps forward, it's the first time she's ever really been grateful for her time under house arrest.

"Adrien."  She said the name slowly, putting her free hand on his chest.  "Garrus and I are off duty.  Can it wait?"  Her eyes didn't leave the Primarch's and he looked startled for a moment, but then cocked his head to the side as he considered her actions.  They've talked many times, and she liked him, truly, she did.  The two of them were soldiers, both needed off the field of battle but unable to think of anything else.  That bond has helped her in understanding him, eased their path to friendship.  There are times when she can't bear the news from Hackett, Anderson, from Earth - and then she turns to see the Primarch, the fires of Palaven burning in his mournful eyes.  He understands her as a warrior, it's time she's made him understand her as a woman.

She was making her intent known, drawing the lines between duty and life, and claiming Garrus all at once.  Turian women were famously territorial with their mates, and Shepard hoped that in behaving more like one, Victus would get the point.  It was subtle, but by addressing the Primarch by his first name, it clearly marked their interaction as personal.  Turians were far too bound by protocol to intrude on personal time, unless it was truly urgent.

"Of course it can..."  He waited for a beat, and she realized that he wants permission to call her by her first name.  His stance had shifted, and no longer rigid, formal, but more relaxed, though still reserved.

"Shinnara."  She supplied for him with a smile.  Sliding her hand off his chest, she changed her positioning too, standing closer Garrus after Victus had acknowledged the change in their interaction.

"Of course it can, Shinnara."  He repeated, saying her name slowly, drawing out the 'sh' with a sibilant sound, ending with a smirk.  "I should be heading...elsewhere.  Goodbye, Garrus."  She could feel the looks zinging over her head, but they were much too quick for her to grasp an understanding.  Victus gave a nod to the man behind her, and then turned away, letting them get by without any further trouble.

They were barely in the elevator when Garrus pounced on her, pressing her up against the wall as the door shut in slow motion.  


	9. Unnerved

Nara could hardly breathe, her head was spinning and all she could taste was the familiar taste of the Garrus, all rough skin and tongue as they kissed.  Her hands were skimming along whatever skin she could find, touching his face and neck, fingers running along the length of his fringe and underneath it.  His armor was in the way, too bulky and round, not like the set he wore on Omega.  She liked the way this looked on him, more official, but at the moment she wanted nothing more than for it to dissolve and let her press her body to the thick, leathery turian skin she'd missed so much.

She'd needed this, more than she'd realized and Nara let her head be supported by the wall she was pinned to, her eyes closed as she let sensation pulse through her body.  Fever blossomed throughout her and she leaned into him, moaning as she tried desperately to release him from his armor.  Her hands were rummaging all along his body, trying to find the places to press on the new, unfamiliar armor and locating none of them.

"Shepard."  Garrus panted her name, taking one of her hands in his own, presumably to guide it to where he wanted it, but the doors to the elevator opened with their customary swish, though it sounded muted to her ears, but they were at her cabin already.

"Wha?  I don't remember pressing the button."  Nara admitted dazedly, her mind already turning back towards Garrus and the seeping wetness between her legs that need his immediate attention.

"I did.  Couldn't have us stuck in the elevator forever."

"Oh."  Shinnara laughed despite herself.  It was obvious, but she needed to laugh, it helped still some of the frayed nerves that had become live with his kiss.  "Well then, come on in!"  She said jokingly, but it was Garrus that took her hand and opened the door.

They began to kiss again, the heat building up between them, multiplying with every touch, each breath.  Her hands resumed their fruitless search in earnest, until Garrus took pity on her.  

"Looking for these?"  He asked, murmuring against her neck as he guided her fingers to the seals of his armor.  She could feel his laughter, though it was hidden, the ragged desire tinging his dual-toned voice, making it rough and throaty.  Nara depressed the buttons, hearing them click as they opened, then wasting no time in pushing the chest piece away, happy to be closer to his skin.

The hands on her were busy as well, searching, groping.  His breathing was heavy as he nuzzled her neck, met her mouth for a kiss, his tongue pushing its way into her mouth.  Fingers were busy against her body, unbuttoning her clothes, and she felt  her shirt being pulled away from the waist of her pants, a hand stroking the bare skin of her hip as Garrus growled his appreciation.  They broke apart momentarily, both of them clawing at their own clothing, eager to be rid of any more barricades.  She saw Garrus moving faster than she thought possible, a near blur as he stripped out of his underclothes and the last bits of his armor.  Her own uniform came off just as fast, and she'd taken the precaution of not wearing underclothes to the Main Battery when she'd gone to get him, it had just seemed prudent to plan for a quickie.

She could feel his hungry gaze on her before he could close the gap between them, but when he did, she wasn't prepared for the raw ferocity of his kiss.  They collided together, pawing, her chest bumping against the ridges of his painfully, but Shepard was too far gone to notice the pain.  She felt only the pleasing scrape of his harder skin against hers, the shifting of his lower plates to accommodate the erection poking into her, the slide of his hand across her breasts, her nipples, none too gentle as they made up for lost time. He teased and tweaked at the peaks of her breasts as she ran a hand around his cowl and down his spine, both groaning their pleasure.  Her limbs were rapidly turning to mush, thoughts spinning out of control as they edged further into the room.  They landed on the couch together, unable to be graceful with their urgent, needy movements.  It would have to do, Nara thought, as she mounted Garrus.  

They hadn't tried it like this before, it had always been on the bed, but both of them preferred her on top.  But she was too impatient, and time was too short for them to get into bed.  

Leaning forward, she let a hand massage the back of his head, under his fringe as she kissed him.  He arched into her mouth, pushing her upwards, just enough space between her lap and his for him to maneuver.  She felt him shift underneath her, then he positioned himself carefully at her entrance, brushing her wet curls with the tip.

She speared herself on his cock, easing her way down, both of them crying out as she did.  It was like a sigh, similar to finally releasing a breath held in too long and she let her heavy head roll back, touching each shoulder in turn, then lifted her face to look at Garrus.  They stayed still for the first few moments, breathing heavily, arms wrapped around each other. Nara was surprised by what she saw in his eyes, he wanted her, sure, but she was seeing something deeper, something sweeter.

It scared her a little, enough so that when she began to move, she closed her eyes and pressed her body forward, her chest to his, concentrating on the delicious friction between them, the burn of her thighs on either side of his.  Even with her own eyes closed, she could see what lay in the depths of his, and it unnerved her.  Garrus loved her, needed a promise that she didn't know if she could give, not right now.  It was the first time they'd really been alone together, and it wasn't the time for talking.

Perhaps it wasn't fair to love him, to need or want him the way she did, but all thought scattered as he thrust savagely upwards, making the air around them ring with her cries.  He was humming, the way he always did when something pleased him, though it was rougher and louder whenever they coupled.  She'd forgotten how vocal he was, her every movement, each twist of her body, every pulse of her tightening around his cock earned an audible response.  Normally she'd try to be clever, to be best him as if lovemaking were a challenge to be won, but this time she concentrated fully on her body, the feeling of him, his expression, the way his breath came in spurts that were opposite her own panting inhalations.

Tremors began in the arches of her feet, the signal of the orgasm building within, even though they had been rushed, hasty.  Garrus was bigger than a human man in most ways, and his cock was no exception.  His thrusts were hit deeper, her body fit snugly around him, comfortable but she was keenly aware of him inside of her, could feel every scintillating motion he made.  

He was whispering to her as she sped up, she could feel his talons scratching down her back.  As loud as he was moans were, his voice was a quiet contrast, Garrus needed only to breathe a word and he had her attention.  After all of their encounters, he was still careful with her as if she were a porcelain doll, but she heard the taut pull in his voice.  His control was wearing away as she rode him harder, fucking herself against him.  He had to be the only person in the whole galaxy that thought of her as fragile.

He came, just before she did, tensing as she ground herself into him, smelling her sweaty flesh, his tongue swiping her nipples as they bobbed in front of him.  With a last desperate snap of her hips, she gave in, letting the heat pulse through her as waves ripple from the inside out.  His cry of release was echoed by her own, their voices filling the whole cabin, leaving it feeling empty as they died out.

They still hadn't worked out all of the particulars of the way they had sex, neither one of them quite comfortable with the other yet, and their urgency had changed the tentative pattern they'd established before. Garrus liked this way, sitting with her above him, able to see her face, look into her eyes.  There was so much more contact, they were still wrapped around each other, sweating, sticking together when he pulled her face to his for a kiss.  He wanted nothing more than to just kiss her face, to make her smile, wipe away the worried lines the creased her forehead.

They were still kissing when Joker came over the intercom.

"Sorry to interrupt Commander, but we're about twenty minutes out from Grissom Academy."

"Right.  Thanks, Joker, I'll be up as soon as I can."  She said, pushing herself up from the couch.  Her thighs were reddened and shaky, her legs still felt pulpy as she stood up.  "I'm going to take a quick shower.  You're welcome to it."

"In a minute."  Garrus was still catching his breath.

She walked away and he heard the spray of the water start.  He really did need to catch his breath, but he also had an off feeling, and wished they hadn't been interrupted.  Garrus sat for longer than he'd intended, surprised when Nara came out of the shower, pulling a brush through her thick, wet hair.

"Hey."  She said, kneeling down on the seat next to him.  They were close enough to kiss again, but neither leaned forward enough to close the gap.  "You should shower and get dressed, I don't know what we'll find at Grissom, but it could be Cerberus.  I'll need you down there."

"You got it, Shepard."  Garrus answered, snapping out of his reverie.  "And, thank you, for this.  It was amazing."  He offered, feeling like he should say something.

Nara smiled at him, reaching over and letting the palm of her hand glide over the scarred side of his face.  "Get dressed, Vakarian."

"You know how I love it when you give me orders."  Garrus nuzzled her palm briefly, then got up to use the shower.  He turned to look back at her, but Nara was already busy, her back to him as she selected the pieces of armor she was going to wear.


	10. Love and Expectations

The next few weeks were some of the busiest of his life, and that was saying something. Garrus hadn't had time to sneak away with Nara again, though the Primarch was much more considerate of his personal time.  She took him with her nearly all the time, but they didn't speak privately.  A chasm lay between them, unfathomable and unexplained to him, but personal matters were set aside momentarily as they put their duty first.  A few times, he thought she might have reconsidered their relationship, but then he would catch her looking at him in an intense, confused way before she would turn away.

If she needed to figure things out, he wouldn't crowd her.  He wandered aimlessly out of the Gun Battery where he'd been sitting, too preoccupied to do work, not tired enough to sleep, and went into the mess to get a beer.  There was one great thing about being turian on a human ship, and it was that no one ever stole his beers.  In the past week, he'd finished his good ones and had moved on to his backups - the cheap beer he'd gotten on the Citadel during their last visit.  He was just opening one when Primarch Victus strolled into the mess, looking as if he hadn't slept since they'd left Menae, though Garrus doubted he'd be getting any rest now.  It was easier just to keep working.  

"Garrus, how will the guns get by without you?"  Primarch Victus looked half-heartedly at the turian rations, made a displeased face and turned away.

"Beer?"  Garrus offered the one in his hand, getting another for himself when the Primarch nodded.  Sitting down, he slid the extra across the table, his thoughts still elsewhere.

"Apien Silver Banner - did we pass a fuel depot?  I would have gotten some better food."   Victus joked, his mandibles flaring slightly.

"Sorry, you're about three days too late for the last of my decent beer.  It's this or the dusty bottle of turian brandy that's been on this ship since, well, since I was still on Omega."  Garrus explained.  Silver Banner was some of the cheaper, more widely available turian beer, but it lacked in flavor, though presumably by the time he'd made it through all thirty beers in the pack, he wouldn't much need flavor.

They hadn't really talked since they'd come back from Tuchanka without the Primarch's son.  Shepard had taken it especially badly, her bowed head and slumped form had been silent for most of the shuttle ride back to the ship.  When he looked over at her, she wouldn't meet his eyes, and his concern was brushed off, her only comment was that she was tired of losing people to this war.  He understood; to others, it would seem as if the war had just started, that some loss was inevitable.  But this war wasn't a new one for them, and Shepard had been losing people - Nihlus, Ashley, Pressly, crewmen he knew by face but never failed to greet him, for years.

Truth be told, it was making him tired too, though Nara was starting to wear her sorrow alongside the N7 designation on her armor.  Adrien was understandably looking worse than normal, though he hid it well.  Garrus had no real comfort to give him, and cringed inwardly as he thought of the words Nara had offered him when he first came aboard, worried about his dad and Sol.  " _The thing about getting older is that the platitudes get just as old_."  He still believed that, hearing empty words didn't do much to help, but sometimes it didn't matter what words were said as long as people tried, they acknowledged the loss instead of pretending or ignoring it.

"I'm sorry about Tarquin."

"Thank you, but I hope you'll understand if I am with my own thoughts on that matter."

"Of course, Primarch."

"Just Adrien, right now."

Garrus nodded, but didn't speak again.  He had to be some of the worst company on the ship at the moment, but the other turian didn't seem to mind.  The two of them sat in silence, drinking their beers and not making eye contact until Adrien tried again.  

"So, Shinnara...is very lovely."

"I'm admiring her from a distance right now", Garrus said as a way of explaining.  Adrien eyed him, then, very slowly, nodded as if he could read the whole story just from what he'd seen.

"Garrus, let me tell you something.  I've never had more people talking to me or been more alone than I have been as Primarch.  What is expected of Shinnara is a huge burden, though she makes it look effortless at times.  There's a lot of people talking at her, asking her to do the impossible.  Sometimes it's easier alone."  Adrien stopped and took a sip of his beer before continuing.  "Whatever is going on, she'll come around, she's too crazy about you not to."  He finished with a slight smile, a ghost of a grin the didn't quite make it to his eyes.  It had been a long time since the Primarch had truly smiled.

"You think so?"

"Tarquin noticed within minutes of meeting her that she seemed...to rely upon you as she did no one else.  It just needs time."

"I hope you're right."  Garrus said, absently watching Mordin through the window to the medbay.  Though he couldn't hear it, he was sure the salarian was singing to himself, his head bobbing in time to the quick beat of a patter song.

#####

Nara couldn't sleep, her blankets long since pushed into a pile on the floor as she hid in her bed.  Hiding from the Primarch, whose son she couldn't save.  Hiding from Wrex, whom she felt she owed more than she could give right now, though they were on the way to rachni space to find his missing unit of scouts.  She'd _been_ hiding from Garrus since they'd slept together again, Garrus, who deserved better and had asked for nothing, but had become too much for her to face in her pitiful, desiccated state.  

This was the fearless Commander Shepard's life.  Sometimes it made her wish for the solitude of the Alliance prison again.

She was flat on her back in the bed, staring up at the sky above her.  It occurred to her once that she should hate the stars, that she'd lived and died among them and they never changed, never noticed, but she couldn't bring herself to curse the stellar void.  It was as comforting now as it had been in her childhood, the one constant she remembered from her young life.  If she had to die before, she was glad it had been amongst that which she'd always loved.

Love was the problem wasn't it?  The Primarch loved his son, but had given him a hopeless task that only he could be trusted with.  Wrex loved his people, enough to spend the last few years trying to rebuild them, a job that had been considered pointless, even by him at one time.  His devotion alone couldn't save the krogan, couldn't stop the slow death of the genophage.  And Garrus loved her, not in a silly, infatuated way, not driven by lust or the desperation of certain death, but true love.  The kind she'd wanted, had hoped for, the enduring slow burn of a light that never went out.  She never really thought that he would return her love so ardently, had become comfortable with being far more in love with him than he with her.  But his gaze revealed the truth, the kind of love that made her feel like she couldn't breathe anymore, because how, how could this be the end of the world now?  Why did it all depend on her?  She couldn't do this to him, couldn't be madly in love with him just as the curtain fell, as the lights went out all over the galaxy.  She didn't want to be the one that couldn't save him, that couldn't make a future.  It wasn't fair.

Nara rolled onto her side and looked at the half finished wall, the repairs that had started but would never be finished.  This was where Anderson was supposed to be, not stuck on Earth, barely escaping death each day.  Anderson, whom she loved like family, and had never lost faith in her, stuck in the worst of it, counting on her to come back.  Nothing was ever fair.

"EDI, how long until we reach the Attican Traverse?"  

"ETA is fifteen hours and twenty-six minutes, Shepard."

"Thanks."

Pulling herself up off the bed, she headed out of the room, without a real purpose in mind.  If Vega was available maybe she could spar with him, or clean and upgrade her guns.  Maybe if she acted like she was okay, she could find her way back to it eventually.  Hopefully.


	11. I Once Was Lost

Liara was bustling about her office, distractedly checking the monitors to either side of her, asking questions of Glyph when Nara entered.  The listlessness that she'd been trying to shake off had increased after nearly losing Grunt as they escaped the Reaperized rachni.  For hours afterward, she'd sat in her cabin, staring at the walls, not wanting to talk to anyone, unable to sleep or do anything that required concentration.  It had been only hunger and Joker's gentle prodding in the form of yelling and outright threats over the intercom that forced her out and once she'd gone, she found she had no desire to return.  It was a strange malaise that gripped her, she didn't want to be alone once she was amongst others, but couldn't find it in herself to be good company.

A trip to see Liara was merely just another in a series of distractions.  She didn't expect her friend to set aside all of her work for her, in fact, she would have been disappointed if Liara didn't continue treating her normally, though she hadn't felt like herself for some time.  It was comforting to listen to the asari talk to herself as she worked, though, truth be told, she still wasn't used to thinking of Liara as the Shadow Broker.  It seemed like her friend didn't fit the faceless title, but she seemed to thrive on all the information.  At least now Nara knew that the Shadow Broker was a benevolent force not an unknown creator of chaos.

"Shepard, are you alright?"  Liara turned to her briefly as she was walking out of the door.  The normally placid, controlled voice sounded worried and exhausted to Shepard's ears.  She considered answering, but didn't really know where to start.  A flood of words nearly gushed out of her, the uncertainty, confusion and isolation, but the words died sudden deaths before she could form them.

Nara simply shook her head, and exited the room, giving a Liara a small wave as she did.

In the elevator her omni-tool blinked with an unexpected summons to the cargo bay, Cortez promising it wasn't about work.  Recently he'd come out of his shell, playing cards and hanging out in places with other crewmen instead of hiding in the cargo bay, tinkering with the Kodiak.  He'd even come onto the Citadel, at her urging, and she figured that this visit might be an attempt to say thanks for all her meddling.  Nara gave a wry smile at that, her fixing the world while she can't manage her own.  

Seeing Cortez sounded better than her plan to go back to her room and lie in bed, so she changed her destination, heading back down the ship to see him.  When she got there, he handed her a small wrapped package.  Shooting him a quizzical look, she carefully unwrapped the item, revealing it to be an extended barrel mod for her sniper rifle.  She'd asked about it a long time ago, but he hadn't been sure he would be able to procure one, with all the chaos going on.  Nara was touched that he'd remembered and treated it as a gift, tears stinging her dry eyes as she looked away, feigning avid interest in the KEI-9 plodding its way around the shuttles, walking back and forth.

"You helped me live again, to be brave enough to want, and I wanted to make sure you got that, since you baby your sniper so much.  We'll do something more fun once we're back on the CItadel, I promise.  But, what about you?  Tell me, what's going on?  I worry about you."  He admitted, a frown creasing the handsome face of her shuttle pilot.

"I don't know exactly."  Nara said, avoiding his gaze.

"That's bull, Shepard.  You know."  She faltered under the intense glare he was giving her, averting her eyes before she answered.

"I'm afraid."  She replied in a meek voice.  "For the first time, it feels like nothing is under control.  I mean, it isn't ever, not really.  But this chaos unleashed across the galaxy.  Instead of my autograph, people want my help, my protection.  I don't know what I can do anymore.  Whole worlds are burning."  This wasn't just about the obvious, it was a little about Garrus.  She felt as if she could do nothing, could offer him no future right now and he deserved more.  More than her fear, more than constant war and uncertainty, but she was more powerless than ever.

"You'll do everything you can, and you're not meant to more."  Cortez answered wisely.  "Don't worry about controlling everything, that will just make you sad and frustrated, and then who will keep Mr. Vega in check?"  He asked, coaxing a small laugh from Nara.  "Help the people you can, save what you can, live and fight.  No one can do this but you."

"Yeah."  Shepard's reply was half-hearted, but that was more than she'd been able to give recently.  "You're right."

Cortez hugged her to him, squeezing her briefly before letting her go again.  She gave him a sad smile, but his words worked, she felt nearly brave again, just not brave enough to go see Garrus, not yet.

#####

"You've been a champion to the krogan people, a friend of Clan Urdnot and a sister to me."  

Garrus remembered the words exactly as Wrex spoke them, because it was the first time Shepard lit up again, she'd become more like herself in that moment.  She'd looked so defeated on the surface of Tuchanka as they encountered setbacks and obstacles on their journey to cure the genophage, being cut off and rerouted, chased by Kalros.  Just then as Wrex proclaimed her his sister, her grey eyes sparkled with life again, banishing the darkness that had covered them since their trip to Grissom Academy.

And then Mordin didn't make it out.  They stood on the ground, watching the cure flood into the atmosphere, the cloud streaking the sky, dust raining down from the exploding building.   Shinnara wasn't looking at him, wasn't looking at anyone, but staring into her palm, and he could almost feel her holding it all in, the exhaustion, the loss, the pain.  Her mouth was pressed into a line, as if she were truly afraid that everything might just spill out.  He found himself holding his breath, hoping that the heartbreakingly flat stare she'd acquired hadn't returned, its absence too brief, but he feared it might, that she would retreat further.  Garrus wanted to make it easier, to be there for her.  He couldn't make her forget, but she needed a reminder that there was more than pain and sacrifice in this life, even in the midst of war.

He watched her in the tomkah, she'd deftly avoided his gaze  when she got in, but when he sat down next to her, she scooted against his side, resting her head on him, and he wrapped an arm around her.  From across the truck, he felt Eve's eyes on them, and she nodded her approval at him.  Garrus wasn't surprised when she took him aside before they went back to the ship.

"Take good care of her, Garrus.  She needs you."

"I will."  The promise was implied, and he thought she understood it without his saying.  

"I'll personally come after you if you don't."  Wrex grunted at him.  He wasn't sure if he was serious or not, the look in the krogan's red eyes seemed deadly, but they lightened when he gave a chuckle.  "You're so easy to rattle, now that I know how."

Clasping hands with Wrex and wishing him well, Garrus turned to go back to the Normandy.  One last look at the rocky, scorched surface of Tuchanka, and they were gone, speeding ahead. There was a ship full of krogan warriors on their tail, but headed towards Palaven, to bring sorely needed aid to his homeworld. The primarch's far-fetched plan had worked, and their men would get reinforcements. They might be able to save a bit of Palaven from the Reapers after all.

It was time they stopped avoiding each other, and Garrus had to make this step, to reach out to her.  As much as she needed space before, he could see she needed support, needed someone, and he missed her like crazy.  It was worse than when she'd been imprisoned, being near her yet she remained out of his reach.  He didn't have much free time, but he always felt as if he wound up wasting it when he wasn't able to see Nara.  The next time they went to the Citadel, he would find a way to surprise her.


	12. Friends and War

"How are you doing, Kaidan?"  Garrus was in standing in the doorway to the starboard obs, checking in on their newest addition to the crew.

They used to be friends, but Garrus realized that it's been strained ever since Shepard came back, or rather, since just before she'd shown up on Omega.  Their last meeting had been on Horizon, though he had stopped into the Citadel hospital to see how he was recovering once or twice.  Before that, when she was gone, Kaidan had always checked in with him, he and Liara had been the only people he'd been in regular contact with.  Tali tried, but her duties to the flotilla came first, and her messages grew less and less frequent as her responsibilities grew.  The rift between him and Kaidan was partially his fault, he knew that, he had been cagey about his whereabouts and what he was doing once he got to Omega and eventually it was easier to let his friendships and contacts lapse.

Omega had been cathartic for a while, a respite he hadn't realized he was taking or even needed.  At first, he only thought he'd be helping to curb the lawlessness that made the station infamous, but it was more, became more, morphed into something meaningful and personal the way his time at C-Sec or in the turian military hadn't been.  But he hadn't shared that with Kaidan, hadn't even had much contact since then, though he could have spoken to him at any time, sent him the odd message as he had with Liara.  So much had changed, but then, hadn't the same amount of time passed for Kaidan?  The man had been promoted several times, given Spectre status and who knows what else since they'd last served together.  Garrus barely knew him anymore.

"It's been a hell of a day, but I'm alright."  Kaidan answered truthfully, letting out a small laugh to punctuate the end of his statement.  He wasn't alright, not really, but he'd work through it.  Garrus didn't think he would be alright either if he'd had an armed showdown with Shepard, though she'd assured Garrus that she wouldn't have been able to pull the trigger on their old crew mate.

"Councilor Udina, I mean I never liked him, but allying with Cerberus, with us fighting them at every turn and them capturing and converting humans..."  Garrus trailed off, shaking his head.  "It seems stupid even for him."

"Damn Cerberus."  Kaidan growled, his voice full of malice.  "It's hard enough out here with Reapers and everyone scared."  His face was as dark as his tone, but then a smile flicked across it, enough to change to his expression but not meet his eyes.  "How's it been on the Normandy, Garrus?"

Garrus came further into the room, letting the door swish shut behind him and then leaned up against the wall next to it.

"The same, killing Reapers with thresher maws, racing across the galaxy to free the rachni queen, curing the genophage.  You know, everyday stuff."

"And Shepard?"

"She seems fine."  Garrus made a movement like a shrug, but it failed to discourage Kaidan.

"You don't know?  I thought the two of you were together."  Kaidan raised an eyebrow at Garrus, earning another shrug from the turian.  Neither spoke and Garrus realized that he wasn't going to be getting away without some sort of explanation.

"We are, I mean, I think we are.  Recent events have been rough on us.  I just talked to her, but it was more about everything that's been happening."  It had been awkward enough to explain it to the Primarch, but it seemed even stranger to speak to Kaidan about it.

The words were clumsy, they felt foreign in his mouth, and Garrus cursed in his head.  At the best of times he stumbled over his words, never quite able to find the right ones to describe what he wanted, what he was feeling or trying to convey and used the occasional sarcastic comment to cover it up.  But here there was nothing funny to be said, no jest to be made as Kaidan watched him, making him feel too scrutinized, the room too small.  He'd only meant to check on Kaidan, but had the distinct feeling the tables had turned.

Kaidan appraised the turian for a minute, brown eyes hard as they looked Garrus over, face unreadable, but he seemed to have decided something before he spoke again.  "Shepard's easy to talk to if you have a problem, and not so easy if you want her to open up.  Maybe get her someplace away from the ship.  The weight of it all has to be getting to her."  His eyes turned sympathetic, and he frowned slightly before chuckling.  "Your sparkling wit should win her over, and if that doesn't work, shoot something."

Garrus laughed, feeling the tension flee the room, leaving just the friendship between him and Kaidan again.  "That's the plan."  He said.

He bid Kaidan a goodnight, leaving him alone to stare out at the void as the ship sped away towards Noveria to clear out a Cerberus base.  It frustrated Garrus that they had to fight two wars, one with the Reapers and one with Cerberus, but they couldn't get to the main battle without stopping the Illusive Man, it seemed.  He shook the thought out of his head, pushing it away for the time being.  It was time to get back to more important things, like how to convince Shepard that he loved her, that he was there and wasn't leaving.

Kaidan made a good point, Shepard was always there for everyone, but clammed up whenever asked about herself, insisting that she was fine even when she wasn't.  To fix this, they needed to be away from the ship, from the things that reminded her of all the weight on her shoulders, of the endless war that she'd been brought back to fight.  Feeling a little like he was back in school, he gave Specialist Traynor a note for Nara and sent her an email.  Though he trusted the efficient Specialist, he wanted to make sure he was first whenever they got another chance at the Citadel.  Once they'd cleared Noveria and they would headed to Gellix with a short stop at the Citadel planned beforehand.  Nara answered his email almost immediately, the sound of her voice sending a trill through him.

"Hey Garrus, I've got a few things to see to first, but I can meet you after I check in at the Spectre Office, if you like."  Nara said in a rush over his omnitool.  He noticed that she'd avoided coming down to the Gun Battery but didn't say mention it.  He wasn't eager to find fault in anything she did, especially as he attempted to inexpertly woo her.

"Alright, meet me by the elevators at Normandy's docking bay.  I'll be waiting."  He responded as he got out the practice slugs Cortez had procured for his sniper rifle.

Upstairs in her cabin, Nara stretched as her omnitool disappeared from view, the orange glow around her arm dying out after she'd terminated her conversation.  Their few, tentative steps toward repairing their relationship made her smile, and she realized how much it meant to her, how much she needed to make things right, to say all that needed to be said.  She wanted to see Garrus, to explain, to apologize and wondered what he had in mind for their next trip to the Citadel.  The Citadel had been making repairs when they'd left it, and she hoped that it would be back to some sort of order before their next stop.

The war had inevitably caught up to the gilded gardens of the Citadel, and while she wasn't happy about it, it felt right.  It had always created horrible dissonance before, the fires of Palaven, the steadfast ignorance of the Citadel, refugees and most reminders of the war relegated to the docking bays, only whispered about amongst the populace.  Things like that, keeping it out of sight, hidden as if it were only a rumor,  made it easier for the Council to turn their backs and continue denying aid.  At least Sparatus had been in no position to do so before, helping her in his roundabout way, but now, the rest of the Council could no longer afford not to help her.

Shepard stripped down and went into the bathroom, intending to be quick, so she could rest before they reached the Horse Head Nebula.  The water from her shower flowed over her skin, warming her, relaxing her tired body.  Nara needed to sleep, and would soon, but within her, the smallest spark of excitement danced.  Once they finished this mission, she'd get to spend time with Garrus again, the thought of them uninterrupted sent hope soaring through her.  She'd been excited to see his message, and had considered taking him up on it before they'd even left, but they had a mission to attend to, and the war wouldn't slow down just so she could go on a date.

But the war wouldn't stop her from looking forward to it.


	13. Inspired Understanding

After their Citadel not-date-that-turned-into-a-date, Nara led Garrus back to the Normandy while the bulk of her crew were still out enjoying their shore leave, the two holding hands as they rushed towards the elevator.  As they sped up to her cabin, she could still feel the wind rushing in her ears as it had when she stood on the Presidium with him, able to say what she'd needed to say to him for so long.  Giddy happiness rushed through her, their day perfect in a way she hadn't expected when she'd first met up with Garrus that morning.  Nara still felt guilty about everything that had happened between them recently and the time she'd wasted, though he hadn't really mentioned it.

What he'd called 'giving her time to figure them out' she felt was more accurately described as 'having a major freak out and barring everyone from her life while the galaxy collapsed around her.'

"I hope you aren't impatient after waiting for so long."  Nara said teasingly as they entered her room, but then turned more serious.  "I'm sorry I put you off with my silly insecurities."  She meant to make the apology sound casual, but it came out rushed and Garrus grabbed her wrists, forcing her to stop and look up at him.

"It's not silly."  He said, relinquishing one wrist to let his hand roam free over her.  "I understood, and I waited didn't I?"  He tipped her chin up as he asked, and she smiled gratefully up at him.  The feelings his understanding inspired in her, it was like when Anderson called her Commander again, just having that trust and faith gave her sorely needed confidence in her most desperate times.  After Cerberus brought her back, she had wondered, questioned herself and what she was doing more often than not, but having Garrus nearby made all the hard times fade, her demons quieted and her sacrifices didn't seem quite so cumbersome.

Nara leaned in closer to him, their bodies nearly touching as she murmured, "Mr. Vakarian, your loyalty is one of your most endearing traits."

He lifted a brow plate at that, giving her a wry look.  "Endearing huh?  I can live with that."

"Your loyalty is endearing, there are _other things_ I love about you."  She let her voice drop as she spoke, echoing what he'd said to her after she lost their little shooting match.  He chuckled in response before leaning in to begin a long kiss.  

It was slower than the last time, but Nara wouldn't have it any other way.  No pressure, no reunion or sneaking away, but just her and Garrus, in as close to normal as they could muster.  Need was still there, simmering beneath the surface, but every movement was languidly sensuous as if it were meant to be savored rather than consumed.

Garrus stripped her down, standing behind her, first letting her hair down and smelling it, licking the side of her neck, then facing her as he began to relieve her of the uniform that was in his way.  When Nara made a motion to begin undressing him as well, he gave her an infuriating turian smirk, before growling in her ear "be patient."

He took his time with her, fingers pulling at each lace of her boot, easing them off, unbuttoning her pants and easing them down her waist, letting his hand sweep over the skin he'd exposed.  They were still standing at the entrance to her room, she leaning against the wall as he took her clothes off; they never got much further than there before they couldn't keep their hands to themselves.  She smiled at the thought, but didn't linger long on it, as Garrus began to tug impatiently at her shirt, and she obliged him, pulling it off.  His nimble fingers had quickly picked up the skill of taking off her bra, and she felt the clasp open with a light touch, as he nuzzled the side of her neck.  With an infuriatingly slow movement, Garrus pushed both trousers and panties down at the same time, fingers sweeping over her hips as he did, letting the last pieces of her clothes pool at her feet for her to step out of.

While he was content to take his time with her, he didn't with undress himself  with the same languor but shed his own armor as quickly as possible, while Shepard lay back on the bed.  She watched him, his finger a blur as he briefly turned his attentions away from her.  Nara got comfortable, eager eyes taking in the sight of his body, the slight ridges of his chest, the spur-like bones that jutted out from his lower legs.  There was little time to enjoy his alien anatomy, and she relished just the sight of him released from all the armor coating that she associated with turians.  

Before the last piece had settled onto the pile he'd made, Garrus was crawling up the bed to reach her, running the flat of his hand across her skin, his tongue flicking sensitive spots.  Nara sank back onto the pillows as he first teased her nipples to hardness with the tip of his tongue, taking his time and coaxing moans from her before he carefully sucked on each in turn.  Pleasure with just a hint of pain trilled through her, the rigid parts of his mouth unyielding against her skin but secondary to the feeling of suction and his tongue working against the tightened peak.  She ran her hand over his crest as he did, letting her digits find their way naturally, caressing both the top and underside.  His groan rippled across her skin, exciting her further, spurring him on as he kissed his way up the valley of her breasts and to her chin.

"Nara, I have a...request."  Garrus said, a little hesitant.

"Something different?"  She arched an eyebrow at him in question and was taken aback when he actually looked embarrassed.  There were no secrets between them.  "Come on, Garrus, what is it?"

"While you were a, ahem, guest of the Alliance, I spent a little time on the extranet."  He began.  Nara tried to hide her disdain, lest he think she was judging him and not the quality of the material on the extranet.

"Anyway, it seems I developed a fondness for watching human women masturbating."  Garrus said in a rush.  If he hadn't been turian, she would have sworn he was blushing.

"Oh, that wasn't what I was expecting to hear."  Nara replied honestly.  His request wasn't unwelcome, just surprising.  "Would you like to watch me masturbate, Garrus?"  She asked, loading the promise into the words.

"Very much so." He growled, coming close to kiss her again.  "If you're comfortable with it and don't mind an audience."

"Mind?  Hell no, not when you look so cute asking."  Nara chuckled softly, renewing their kiss, letting their tongues meet and working up the heat in her own body.  "But I warn you, it might not be much of a show this time.  I'm already pretty far gone."

"That doesn't mean I don't want to see it."  Garrus said quickly.  Nara laughed again, softly as she looked him in the eye, then slid down, positioning her body to her liking.  She felt she should warn him though that it might not be much of a show after he'd so slowly removed her closed, then teased her nipples until she could barely gasp for breath.

"I'm not backing out, I just don't want you to be disappointed if you watching has me coming within moments.  Just the thought of it..."  Nara trailed off and let her shudder finish the sentence. 

Obliging her lover, she gave him one last kiss, then pushed him away as she cupped a breast in one hand, sliding the other down her stomach in one agonizingly slow motion.  Fingers sought out her wet nipple and tweaked it a few times, harder until she made herself gasp, the other hand brushing over the curls between her legs, already damp at her entrance.


	14. Together

Nara slid one finger inside, then another, pulsing back and forth, trying to forget that Garrus was sitting inches from her, watching. It was difficult at first, as she knew it would be, but made more so by the pleased hum he kept making, a sound of appreciation from deep in his subvocals, throaty and raw.  She was unaccustomed to the audience and it made losing herself more difficult, but not by much.  As she'd warned him before, she was already aroused, slickness covering her fingers soon as she delved into her own core.

Withdrawing her fingers, she started to circle her clit with her wet fingertips, letting her body relax as pleasure sparked through it.  Nara closed her eyes, slowly circling, fingers dipping in and out, building a steady rhythm.  She moaned, low and drawn out as she continued, nearly forgetting her audience, though the strained sounds of his breathing made it to her ear.

She could feel herself getting closer, not just the breathless buildup that came with each fingerstroke, but shivers came from her feet, making her shake, more intense than any feeling of cold she'd ever endured.  Faster and faster, slicked fingers no longer making elegant circles, but wild quick motions, rougher and shorter as she began to pant.  Her heart felt as if it could bang its way right out of her ribcage, thunder muffling the sounds around her.  It wouldn't be long now.

Garrus watched her with avid, unblinking eyes, not knowing that actually seeing his fantasy would render him quite so dumbstruck.  His body was aching, needing to be inside of her, but yet, he couldn't move a muscle and sat transfixed.  Slippery fingers worked so fast they nearly blurred before his eyes, and he saw her whole body catch, drawing up just before she crashed.  It was amazing, to touch her overheated skin, to place a kiss on the inside of her thigh, toes clenching the bedsheets as she gave in with a strangled sob.

Flushed from her orgasm, hair fanning out on the pillow behind her as she panted, a sheen of sweat covering her skin, Garrus was more than aroused just looking at her.  Some semblance of consciousness emerged from his lust induced haze and he realized that he was painfully hard, and more than ready.  He crawled along her side, his hand lightly skimming over her sensitive skin as he did, sending tremors through her.  When he was near enough, she caught his head and tickled under his crest before bringing him closer for a kiss.  He could smell the scent of her clinging to her fingers as they kissed.

He slid into her warmth, so ready for him after she'd come already.  They groaned simultaneously, though his was more a sound of relief, a compliment to the shudder he gave when he was finally fully within her.  He could feel the growl in the back of his throat, and his attempts to restrain it were useless, it came out as a low rumble; were it more gentle it could have been a purr.  Garrus rocked slowly, thrusting with an agonizingly sedate tempo, drawing himself in and out of the wetness he'd just watched her bring to a peak.  It was heady, different than their other times, more intimate after their long separation, and he reached out and licked the side of her neck, tasting the sweat on her skin, feeling her moan as it formed in her throat.

Slickness covered him and he plunged in over and over, moving quickly, beating out the rhythm of an instinct he could hardly name, let alone control.  He shifted slightly, moving his hips to a new angle and felt her tighten in response.

“Faster,” she cried, rolling her hips in time to his thrusts.

Garrus didn't think as he obeyed, with Nara beneath him, giving him breathless kisses.  Pleasure flushed through his body, intensifying every movement.  It was more than he could stand, and he gave in to the quickening, losing his composure with every hard stroke, sending his hips crashing into hers.  Blinding desire pulsed within him and Garrus closed his eyes, giving in to the sensation.  Arcing his back, he came not with a yell, but a roar, a sound that was as raw and primal as the instinct to breath, eat or fight, and Nara shivered at the sheer passion of it all.

He felt so heavy, heavy atop her, lying against her soft skin.  Garrus heard Shepard whimper as he withdrew, but he was still disoriented by the force of his climax and needed to just be still, let his body calm.  Sliding onto his side, he lay there panting, listening to her heartbeat for a few moments, bodies settling back into their normal rhythms.  Minutes or hours could have passed, he had lost all capacity for anything outside of sensation.  When he felt more solid, less like a floating mass of bubbling ecstasy, he pulled her to his chest, kissing the top of her head, her nose, her chin and lips.

"I love you."  He murmured.

"I know."  She replied.

When she woke up, he wasn't in bed with her, but rather reading a datapad as he sat back on the couch.  Garrus hadn't been up long, because if he had been, he surely would have gotten dressed.

"Hey."  Nara said, sitting up and squinting at him.

"How are you?"  He asked, setting down the datapad.  "Ready for more?"

"How about we talk first?"  She patted the space next to her on the bed.  "I feel like I still need to say I'm sorry for pushing you away."

"Shepard, you've been saving the galaxy since I met you.  It can't be an easy job.  You're allowed to be a little unsure about a few things, I think it keeps you honest."  Garrus said, chuckling.

"Well, I am glad you're here and that we cleared everything up.  It's you and me, Vakarian, from now on, saving the universe in style."

"Are we optimists now?"  Garrus asked, teasing her, a hint of sarcasm coloring the dual tones of his voice.

"We can pretend for a while.  I just want to know what you're thinking.  So if the war was over tomorrow, what would we do?"

"Together?"  He asked.

"Of course, I'd never leave you alone."

"Doesn't matter then, does it?"  He asked with a grin and she couldn't help but smile as she pulled him towards her for a kiss.


	15. Epilogue - After Gellix

Nara was standing in front of her fish tank, gazing but not really watching the fish float by when Garrus walked into her cabin.  He came up behind her and slid his arms around her, bending slightly to envelope her body in his, pressing his nose into her hair.  

"You know, I never told you how much I liked your hair longer like this."

"I wanted to change it, let it grow for a while.  Cerberus kept my hair cut while I was out, made sure I was recognizable.  This felt more like my choice."

"I like it."  Garrus said, nuzzling down into it.  In the fish tank, he could see her smile reflected back at him.  They stayed silent for a while, both watching the marine life in front of them, but not really seeing it.  If he waited long enough, she'd speak, but he had a pretty good idea about what was bothering her, and decided to bring it up himself.

"I'm glad we got Jacob and all of those people to safety."  He said.  He honestly was, he thought all of those scientists brave for running away, for turning from the Illusive Man, but things wouldn't have ended well for them if Traynor hadn't tracked them down, even with Jacob on their side.

"As am I."

"But...?"  He let the word trail into a question.

" _The Normandy is your real love, Shepard_."  Nara mimicked, in a surprisingly good imitation of Jacob's voice.  To her astonishment, Garrus threw his head back and laughed.

"Jacob is what, five years younger than you?"

"Something like that."

"He seems it.  Reminds me a bit of myself back on the first Normandy."

Shepard turned to face him, sure that he wasn't serious.  But when he didn't crack a smile, she raised a quizzical eyebrow, cocking her head to one side as if to see him from another angle.  "How so?"

"Well back then, you were this legend in the making, everyone could see it.  I was just a disgruntled C-Sec officer and all around bad turian.  But you listened, you helped me, changed me."  Garrus reached out and gripped both of her shoulders in his hands.  "You made me more like me, confident enough to become the man I needed to be.  You did that for Jacob too, but by the time he met you, you were a living legend.  He can't see you any other way, a little bit of his commanding officer, the person who found his father and dealt with that mess and now stands at the forefront of the Reaper attack.  He needs to believe that the Normandy is your true love, that you never falter.  It's what people demand from their heroes."

Nara looked startled at his assessment, and Garrus took pity on her.  After all these years, she never got used to the mantle of hero, though she wore it well.  With one finger, he stroked the side of her face, dragging it down her neck and brushing his hand back up into her hair.  

"I wasn't expecting that."

"Well, I wasn't expecting you."

"What do you think of me?"

"You're definitely a hero, just enough crazy, and all woman, but then again, I have the advantage of having seen you naked."  Garrus lifted a brow plate at her in a playful manner and she chuckled.  "You continue to inspire me, as you always have, but I know who you really are, and I love you."

Nara hugged him, squeezing his sides, though she knew he couldn't feel it through his armor.

"Besides, what Jacob doesn't know won't hurt him this time."  Garrus whispered in her ear, making her laugh again.

They stayed like that, embracing in the middle of the room, Garrus feeling as if time would stand still just for them.  He knew it wouldn't, but this time he indulged the fantasy, closed his eyes and breathed in Shepard, wishing things he never allowed himself to speak.  They would win this war, he knew certainty when he thought of their victory.  It would be long and painful, but there would be no more Reapers when this was over, he knew it.  The only thing he knew with more certainty was that he loved Nara, this strange human woman who had reshaped history long before she'd walked into his life on the Citadel.  


End file.
